This post here is straight freestyle. I haven’t been posting as much as I was because now I’m pregnant, 3 months as a matter of fact. This will be our second child and we are overjoyed, but…the lack of energy has kept me from writing like I used to. I’ve neglected my book writing and all I can do is sleep when permitted and sleep in between. At night, around 3am, is when I wake up and toss and turn for two hours yet the last thing I want to do is put thought into any sentence. I feel guilty to say the least- guilty for lack of motivation and time management. According to writers’ blogs, it’s considered sinful for a writer to not put time aside to create, but were any those blog authors ever pregnant and have a 2 year old in tow?
My energy is spent after comandeering my 2 year old and our 3 year old dog(they are two peas in a pod) from chasing one another, or being jumped on like I’m a wrestling contestant, or whining for attention, or you get the point. I’m exhausted!! I used to set time aside during the early afternoons when my son napped and my fingers flew across the keyboard. Words pouring out me with the Grace of God as a story with random characters unfolded before my eyes. I even began writing three more stories after my main one and could flip back and forth interchangeably, but now phuleease! I’m lucky if I can put together one paragraph. And I feel like my characters are slipping away from me as if old acquaintances and not my babies who I gave life.
Like I said I feel guilty because I feel like I’m robbing myself of the chance to get my work out there. Time is pulling away from me and mine is almost up. Is God going to be mad at me for defaultin on an idea He gave to me in a dream? I know He’s not, but I’m introvertedly human and this is my thought process, because introverts over think everything!
So….what can I do? I have prayed about and asked forgiveness and I know God’s probably like “ugh…this kid!” But I really want to get back to doing what I love(d) to do. It’s just how?!