Dating: You Don’t Have to Settle or Sell Your Worth to Have True Happiness

Recently many women are going through some sort of dating troubles, from what I noticed. Women have been looking for the perfect mate, ideal in every way, but it seems as recently, there have been more dating fails than successes. (I use “successes” in the hopes it might turn into a worthy relationship not always resulting in marriage). I mean it’s called “dating” for a reason- you’re testing the waters of potential relationship.  But I can’t help but ask myself, is it the women who are too picky or are women settling for anything?

There are many factors that women list for their ideal mate: income, humor, strength, desires children, and sex to name several. From following social media, dating stories are becoming more sad than funny and the ladies telling them are still hanging on to the hope that this could be potential. But why? I mean if I was single now, and I had met up with a guy who openly admitted married but was happy to have secret rendezvouses, sirens would go off -DANGER, DANGER! But women are taking that and all of his lies as some kind of relationship, some kind of connection. But it’s not, and it will never be. 

Being with someone who has somebody already is not a connection. I mean, now we could talk about the new smiled upon movement of poly-ism where more is better. But many women who looking for monogamy are not into poly anything, so why subject themselves to arguments, lonely nights, lies, neglected children? Being #introvertedlyhuman I wonder would I have been in that pot if God hadnt intervened? I’m not judging women who have baby fathers who are attached to someone else, but what I have a problem with is why force something that wasn’t there to begin with? Did they see the signs and just ignored them? Did they really believe that they were the only one? 

Women have to see the signs and discern them. You have to know your worth. A great example of a woman who pushed to make herself the only one was Leah. In Genesis 30, she was the older sister,not pretty but reliable, responsible, and willing to make a home for her husband. Alas, she wasn’t received as such by Jacob even when she bore him 10 sons and 1 daughter! (In her culture, a woman who blesses her husband with sons was revered.) Also she had to view her husband’s affections toward her younger sister, his true love. Her children’s names even reflected her true feelings of the love triangle, her struggle in a poly relationship where she was ignored for her accomplishments.  Given the culture and the times, that was still hard for any woman to endure, but it was what had to be done. Women wanted to be loved and honored then, so why subject yourself knowingly to a man who can’t make you Number 1 in current times? 

In my case, the signs were there, pointing for me to get out of my last relationship but I held on for the sake of saying I had a boyfriend. I was stressed out, he was extroverted so I had to force myself to be social for fear other women would take his attention, and I was the breadwinner while he was “in between jobs”, he partook in natural herbs constantly and I wasnt into any of that. The list goes on and on. What kept me with him for 3 years, sex. He was my first and I felt attached to him. When the end was drawing near, the signs presented themselves more and more, hovering over me with arguments about spending money, lack of chivalry, etc. I finally got fed up and said enough! Thank God I let Him lead me into my marriage, because who knows where I would be now.  I couldve ended up with children by him and be attached to him forever. I think on this sometimes, when I think of how far God has brought me. Being #introvertedlyhuman, I was able to be receptive of God’s nudges, even when I wasn’t paying attention. The signs are there!!

 You don’t have to settle. You are worth being the only one. You don’t have to embrace the relationship fads of the times in order to be happy.  Like I said, I’m not judging women who have endured settling for any relationship, but I want you to ask yourself “Is it worth it?” To those women, who said it wasn’t worth it, what made you finally wake up?

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