“You’re (fill in negative adjective of choice)…”
The phrases listed above allude to knowledge, in fact, concrete knowledge of a subject. Usually, phrases like these are the preamble to judgement.
We all believe we can do something better than the other, no matter how small it may be. Especially when it comes to motherhood and lifestyle choices.
I’m in two FB groups, one for mothers and the other is for introverts. The latter I’ve grown to appreciate over time because I had to learn each virtual friend through their comments; while the former, I quickly grew into once I seen that the cyber dynamic mirrored the introverts group.
Both groups have helped me to find my voice on life’s topics and also help me pass the day with hilarious posts on food, kids, awkward social interactions, and sex.
But there is a downside to groups. Being in a like minded dynamic can cause the think tank to shame those outside of its confines. The irony is that by feeling like an outsider, you find those who are similar but then turn around and ostracize those who don’t act like your majority(if that makes sense?)
But what I also come to see while being in these groups, is that it’s easy to start a great discussion but if many don’t agree, it becomes a petty party.
*petty party: when the minority clapbacks at the majority for not agreeing with them*
A discussion was brought up about breastfeeding. One group member posted a question(not really one) about her observations saying(I’m paraphrasing) that it seemed that mothers are sacrificing breast milk for formula and she herself thinks it’s selfish. Resulting in a slew of clapbacks that would make anyone hide under their bed!
I commented because I felt I had to set the record straight. I explained how I couldn’t breastfeed because I didn’t make enough for my sons to sustain totally; so her logic was arrogant. Many agreed and in turn, this group member had gotten so many negative responses, she turned the comments off. It had only been an hour from the time she posted.
But the boldness of her observation made me realize that social media has made it a safe haven for commenting without borders.
*commenting without borders: saying whatever the heck you want, no matter how far off you may be*
Her observation seemed to be her fact and thus she felt inclined to post about others lack of participating in it. But what she didn’t do before hitting enter/send was think of those who couldn’t breastfeed, those who can’t even express, and those who only formula feed. She definitely didnt consider the backlash.
As mothers, we all tend to think we know what’s best for us and (some who are bold) others. But there is a time and a place for advice. And if you’re advocating formsomething, there’s a certain way to word it without coming off judgemental or shaming.
Another discussion was brought up about polygamy/polyamory, which is a broiling topic. Many people are coming out admitting to living or dating more than one partner openly.
I actually missed this discussion on the day it happened so I was getting caught up on the comments alone lol. Many said all forms of no, hell no, and naw; but there were a few who agreed and currently lived it and others who were on the fence.
A virtual fight ensued because one woman said a joke and another took it too seriously. The petty party commenced and resulted in someone being excommunicated and the comments, once again, turned off.
If this is the life you lead, why share? Or if this is your point of view, why share?
We share because it’s our First Amendment right, because we want to educate, advocate or just because we like to get an opinion.
As humans though, shame is inevitable. We may not do whatever is being mentioned and as a result phrases I listed at the beginning of this post are used. The tone of voice makes a difference too.
If you can see yourself shaking you finger while your typing your thought out, reword it. Instead ask a question about the aforementioned and end it with “I’m just curious.” This really helps!
As Christian, we are to not judge unless in turn we are to be judged. Shaming works the same way. We all dont do the same thing, eat the same foods, etc. But if that’s your thing, then that’s what it is. If.ut bothers you that much, you don’t have to be around them, simple.